Woops
By David Aco

"The night was uh, dark and stormy! Yeah, that's it... stormy... and uhm, I like, climbed the wall thingy up to the uh, what do you call it, on yeah, window and uh... broke in and stuff... but then the chick woke up and screamed and like somehow tied her sheets around my neck and like... pushed me out the window... and like... suddenly I was dead... yeah that's it... a complete accident... wasn't my fault at all!"

The other guys in the club looked at each other and then broke into hysterical laughter.

"You sure know how to tell a good one Bob!" said Phil as he gave Bob a pat on the back.

"It's all true, guys", Bob remarked as he shined his halo.

"Yeah sure... now let me tell you how I died", said Jack, and they all settled back into their clouds to listen, because they all knew Jack told the best stories of anyone in the group.

"It was a dark and stormy night," he began.

"Oh come on, tell what really happened" said Bob.

"Shut up Bob, some of us actually got hung on stormy nights," said Jim, the oldest of the group.

"It was a dark and stormy night," said Jack, with a glance over at Bob.

"It was one of those nights that you wish you didn't have to be out. But there I was, sitting on a horse in the middle of nowhere, tied by my neck to a tree." He stopped and got a thoughtful look on his face. "This is the wrong place to start, let me start at the beginning."

"I was a farmer before it all happened; I had a small house among my fields where I lived with my family. We were just simple folk; never hurt anybody, growing some corn and potatoes to sell at market. I would go out every morning and work my fields and come home late at night. One night, I come home and my family ain't there and my house is all busted up and burnt, looking like some kinda war up and happened in my kitchen.

"There was a note stabbed into the door... 'They belong to me.' it was signed 'The Bunny'. I had heard of this Bunny, evil little guy, so I got on my horse and went after him. This giant rabbit couldn't just steal my family and get away with it.

"I rode from town to town asking if anyone had seen him, but I just got laughed at. Who would believe a giant rabbit stole their family?

"And as I rode on I got angrier and angrier, this damn rabbit had ruined my life, stolen my family, and now I was far from my farm and being laughed at by everyone. Finally I rode into a town named Rolling Rapids, where I met another man who had seen The Bunny. He said that it was only a few days ago, up to the north. I asked him to show me, but he refused, he said the little brat was just too scary.

"I rode up into the hills on the north side of the town and along the road noticed some giant tracks, as if made by a 7 foot tall rabbit. I followed these for more than a week, over hills and next to rivers, never stopping, for I knew he must be close.

"I finally dropped from exhaustion on the 10th day of my tracking, and fell quickly asleep. I don't know how long I slept, but I woke up because of the thunder. I opened my eyes and saw that I was lying on my horse, and there was something around my neck. As I sat up to get my bearings, my horse walked forward a step or two, tightening the rope. 'Whoa!' I choked out, and he stopped. I coaxed him to back up slowly as I looked around.

"There was a rope leading from my neck to the lowest branch of a giant old tree, I was on my horse, and I didn't recognize anything around me. Somehow I was in a completely different place than when I fell asleep.

"Suddenly I heard something behind me, thump, thump, thump, thump, getting louder as though it was getting closer to me. A chill ran through me as I realized this must be the creature I had been tracking for so long. I turned around as far as I could manage and saw it. He was a giant gray rabbit, standing almost eight feet tall, with a pike in one paw, and patches of fur missing all over.

"As he came closer I could hear him singing. It was a high, soft song that sounded really evil. 'Fluffy, fluffy bouncy boo, Bunny gonna sit on you!' He bounced in a circle around my horse and I, and was so excited by his bouncing he dropped his pike, as it fell it poked my horse in the flank, shocking him into running, which pulled the rope tight and yanked me off my horse. As he ran off into the night, the stupid rabbit hopped up to me and the last thing I remember before I lost consciousness was his sickly cute face staring into mine as he said the last words I ever heard on earth.

"'Woops.'"